My New Years Resolution: Choosing Delight

It's almost June 1st. Do you remember your New Years Resolution?

I only made one, and it wasn't really even a resolution, per se. I chose a word, a word to help focus my mothering and my relationships with my children. Particularly, my relationships with my 5 year old twins.

My word is "Delight."

Around New Years, I was feeling pretty discouraged about my mothering abilities. Ok, not just discouraged: guilty. And it was the worst type of guilt--MOM guilt.

When we rang in the new year, Silas was around 2 months old and he was a precious bundle of pure goodness--sweet, soft, good smelling (most of the time), and snuggly.

Having one baby was pure joy. Delightful.

I finally realized why everyone asked me, "How do you do it?" when my twins were babies.

The answer, of course, was "I just do! I don't have a choice." And I didn't. I just did the best I could. I just put one foot in front of the other every day and just did it.

And I made it! Through twin babyhood and toddlerhood, and into preschool. I did it.

But having one baby made me realize something sobering. Having infant twins was really hard. So hard that there was only room for survival  and not much room for joy or delight on most days.

The thing is, things got easier as my twins got older. However, my outlook and attitude remained the same--this is hard.
Frustrating.
Overwhelming.
Difficult.

I didn't let myself take delight in them because I was so caught up in the petty annoyances and frustrations that come from having twins boys--and in reality, kids in general--demanding attention, crying and yelling, wrestling, overwhelming emotions, huge messes, 100 spilled drinks a day, wrestling, crashing toys and lamps, oh, and did I mention, wrestling?

Sadly and shamefully, I realized that my primary emotion I felt toward my twins each day was annoyance. And I wanted to change.

I thought: I'll plan dates with them. We'll do fun things. I won't yell so much. I will be more patient. I will do better. Be...better.

But deep down I knew that forcing myself change my behavior toward them wasn't the issue. '

I needed to change my heart. I needed to see them with new eyes.

So I prayed and asked God to help me choose a word for 2013, a word that would help refocus my mothering.

Ultimately, I chose the word "Delight."

The definition of "Delight" encompasses so many of the ways I want to view my sons:
I want to enjoy them
I want to find satisfaction in them
I want to notice the tiny things that make them tick and genuinely smile
I want to love them for who they are, not for who I want them to be.

So since January, I have been choosing delight.

Sometimes in moments of frustration, where a still small whisper reminds me, "Delight! Delight! Delight in your small, strong, rough and tumble boys."

Sometimes in moments of creativity:
Mommy, can I help you cook?
Mommy, listen to my joke!
Mommy, look what I can do!

And instead of
No.
Not right now.
Stop that!

I choose
Yes.
Laughter.
Wow!

At the beginning of the year I shared my word with a few close friends and last week, one of my dear friends told me, "I can see a change in you, in the way you talk about them. In the way you view mothering. You have more joy."

It was easy for me to find joy in Silas. It came more naturally because I wasn't inexperienced this time around, because I felt confident and peaceful instead of unsure and stressed out, because he was only one baby and not two.

But I needed to stop using "twins" as a synonym for "hard." I needed to renew my thinking.

Because sometimes motherhood isn't about moving forward--it is about going back to the beginning and starting over again.

So I started over again on January first.

I still remember my resolution. It has changed me for the better.
And I hope, for good.
Because sweet, silly, wild, loud, funny, strong, unique Micah and Benjamin, I delight in you. 

I choose delight. 

"May your ice water be free of goldfish floaters:" A blessing for Mother's Day

This Mother’s Day:

May you always pee in peace

May your coffee be hot and your wine cold

May you enter and exit the shower without an audience

May your hair be free of grease and your under-eyes void of dark circles

May your skinny jeans zip

May the only muffins tops in your life be blueberry

May your baskets be free of laundry and your sink clear of dishes

May your ice water be free of goldfish floaters

May your freshly mopped floors magically repel spilled milk and kool-aid

May naptime be long

May your feet avoid all legos and Barbie shoes

May dinner time be filled with “Seconds, please!”

May you sleep as deeply as the father of your children

May your children tell you that you are the best mama in the world and may you believe it.

Because, mama, you are beautiful. You are loved. You are the best mom in the world. 

Today and everyday. 

The trials of being a twin: A Five year old's perspective

Micah and Benji are five years old and frequently (and loudly) announce to others (like random people at the park):

WE ARE TWINS!!

Being twins is unique!
Being twins is fun!

But sometimes, being twins is annoying. Or even, confusing.

This is a snippet of the conversation we had at dinner tonight.

Micah: Sometimes my friends call me 'Benji.'
Me: Ahh...I see. Does that bother you?
Micah: Yeah, because I'm NOT Benji.
Me: Why do you think they call you Benji?
Micah: I don't know!
Me: Are you and Benji twins?
Micah: Yes.
Me: Do you and Benji look alike?
Micah: (emphatically) No! We don't look alike...
Me: Well, some people think you look like Benji.
Micah: But I don't look like Benji! I look like Micah!

(Yes, indeed, little man. You do look like Micah.)

We decided to query Benji to get his take on this problem.

Me: Benji, do your friends ever call you 'Micah'?
Benji: (very matter of fact) No, my friends call me 'Benji'.
Micah: I don't like being a twin!

Aaron: Well, son, you'll need to take that up with God.

Do you know who is who???

Happy 6 months, Silas!

Happy 6 months, Silas! You are getting SO big!!

 

You weigh around 15-16 pounds. 

You are such a happy  baby! This is how you greet me every day when I get you up from your nap. You love your blue blanket so much. It is your favorite thing. 

 You are more cute than crabby though Mommy would appreciate it if you would START SLEEPING AT NIGHT and stop walking up and talking for hours. You were sleeping better at 3 months than you are now (you have been waking up 3-5 times a night! Sheesh, kid!) 

You are napping better though and usually take 2-3 solid naps a day. 

 Jumping is your favorite thing to do EVER! You jump every day. Sometimes you even fall asleep in your jumper. When we try to take you out to put you down for a nap, you wake up and 'say': "What?" I wasn't asleep!" ::jumpjumpjump::

 You are developing strong relationships with your brothers. Look how tiny you were at 10 days old! 

And look how big you are today! (You all love your blankies). 

Your brothers never fail to make you laugh. They are so gentle with you. You love it when they swing you in your bouncer (Mommy looks the other way)

Benji calls you "Buddy." 

Micah is not ignoring you as much and says, "I love you, Silas!" every day. 

 You can't wait until you can run with them! When they run by you, you bounce and lurch forward, wanting to play too. 

 Tummy time is a cinch for you. You are a strong boy! 

You sat up all by yourself on April 7th! You were so proud! You love sitting up and playing with your toys. 

You are starting to eat grown-up food. Forget baby food! You get excited, licking your lips and opening your mouth when we eat dinner every night. You love mashed potatoes, yogurt, spinach, salmon, pulled pork, and hummus (!). You don't have any teeth yet but you do a good job with tiny, soft bites. You are not a fan of bananas or applesauce (yet). Your tastes are adventurous!  We will be starting more regular meals for you in the coming weeks. 

You love your Mommy! You even give delicious, sloppy open mouth kisses at times. 

When Daddy comes home from work, you can't concentrate on anything else. You have to have all his attention, love, and hugs! 

You continue to love music and will stop crying immediately if Mommy sings to you, even if you can't see her. 

We love you so much, Silas! You are pure joy in our lives. 

Let's just start sleeping a bit more at night, ok? (yawn!)

Meng Menu + Recipe for Broiled Asian Pork Strips

Monday: London Broil, mashed potatoes, salad

Tuesday: Skinny Chicken Florentine

Wednesday: Pizza roll, salad

Thursday: Fried pork chops, mashed potatoes, green beans

Friday: Spaghetti, salad

Saturday: Broiled Asian pork strips, rice, broccoli 

I have not missed the irony of having Skinny Chicken Florentine on Tuesday and Fried Pork Chops on Thursday. Maybe they will balance each other out. ;) 

Pork loin is on sale this week for 1.99 a pound! I always buy it when it goes on sale. I slice it up and freeze it; we usually get 5-6 meals out of a pork loin. Score!

Sometimes I get tired of just having pork chops though so I came up from this recipe that is delicious and FAST!

Broil Asian Pork Strips

Pork loin strips: I usually cut 1 inch pork "chops" off of the pork loin and then cut each chop into 3-4 strips length-wise. Cut as many strips for your family as you need. 

Marinade: 

1/3 cup soy sauce

2 TBS olive oil

2 TBS apple cider or red wine vinegar

2 TBS brown sugar

3 cloves garlic, minced (or to taste. I really like garlic)

Chili pepper or cayenne pepper to taste (chili pepper for milder palates) 

1 quarter of an onion, sliced or 2 tsp onion power (to taste)

Mix all ingredients except for the onion until combined. Add in onion and pour into a zip lock bag. Add pork strips, seal, and squish around. Marinate for at least 4 hours (overnight is better). 

To cook: Place oven rack 4-6 inches from broiler element. Preheat broiler for 5 minutes. Line a baking sheet (with sides) with foil (easier clean up) and place a baking rack on top of foil. Spray baking rack with cooking spray and place pork strips on baking rack. Broil for 7-8 minutes. Pork will be slightly caramelized on the edges. 

Serve with rice and broccoli or green beans. If desired, boil reserved marinade for 5 minutes until reduced and serve over pork and rice (make sure you boil to kill any bacteria from raw pork!). 

We love this recipe! It is so flavorful and fast. 

Enjoy!

How I lowered my expectations for "Fun" Mommy-hood

When my twins were babies, I couldn’t wait for them to be old enough to do mommy-kid activities. I wanted to finger paint, cook, play Memory and Candyland, snuggle and read for hours, and make happy, rosy memories with my boys.

When they were around 2 years old, inspired by the success of my mommy friends and the parenting blogs I adored, I excitedly laid out paper and paints, prepared elaborate craft projects, bought games, and borrowed books from the library. We were going to have FUN and be happy and laugh and I would take pictures and make photo albums of my happy kids and my happy motherhood.

Here’s what really happened:

The paints were a mess. The paper got soaked and ripped. The colors were mixed into a color that resembled a really bad poopy diaper. The art project took longer to clean up than the boys spent "painting."

My boys played “Ants in my pants” instead of moving their gingerbread men through Candyland. The colored cards flew all over the living room, joining the tiny demon-cherries from “Hi-Ho! Cherrio!” The homemade Memory cards were ripped and crumpled.

Cooking was a circus. Cups of flour were dumped on the counter instead of in the bowl. Eggs slipped and smashed on the floor. And one of my sons was so afraid of the hand-mixer that he ran screaming out of the room before it was even turned on.

There was no snuggling and reading for hours. My two year olds could barely sit still for one picture book. “Green Eggs and Ham”? WAY too long! I learned to flip through books at the library and throw back the ones that had more than 15 pages or 10 words per page.

This was supposed to be a "Two hours of FUN" box! not "10 minutes and I'm done" box

I was discouraged, depressed even. I was failing at Mommy-hood. Most days I thought: “Well, that was a fun 5 minutes. What am I going to do for the rest of the day? I guess I could start by cleaning up this mess.”

We made snakes with beads for 3 minutes one day. Then I cleaned up beads for the next 3 months

I wanted to make those special memories with my kids but every activity was either a failure or over before I could even snap a picture.

Plus I was going nuts and yelling things like “THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN! We are GOING to have FUN, OK???”

I was a real Fun Mom.

I eventually gave up. I lowered my expectations for Fun Mommy-hood.

We didn’t do messy craft projects anymore. I threw “Hi-Ho Cherrio” and the memory cards in the trash. I made cookies while my boys napped. We read “The Foot Book” instead of “Green Eggs and Ham.”

And this was the best thing I could have ever done. 

I discovered that the things I liked to do were not the things that my kids liked to do. The happy memories I had of coloring, playing board games, cooking sweets and treats, and reading on the couch with my mom for hours were not the same things that made my boys happy.

I had to accept that they loved running and wrestling, not sitting still playing board games.

I swallowed the fact that they weren’t interested in coloring or “making things.” And I realized that any craft that took longer to prepare or clean up than it did to make and play with was way overrated.

I still made them sit and read with me but we would read one board book instead of three picture books.

And when I did tackle that Pintrest Project from my “Fun Activities for Kids!” board, I learned to say “Well, that was fun!” after 3.5 minutes and really mean it.

So glad I have this picture because I think this is the only time they wore these adorable pirate costumes 

 Most importantly, I discovered that my kids are different from me and that is ok. And I learned that the best memories I could make with my children was not “doing things” together: it was seeing my boys happy, grins that lasted for seconds, not the “activities” that lasted for hours.

Meng Menu

Sunday: Broiled Asian chicken thighs, rice, broccoli

Monday: Shredded Pork tacos

Tuesday: Hellmans chicken, parmesan rice, green beans

Wednesday: Pizza roll, salad

Thursday: Sausage, Kale and pasta with lemon cream sauce

Friday: Out to eat

Saturday: Hamburger Sliders, baked fries, carrots and apples

I haven't posted our menu in a few weeks. I always make a one but I forget to post until around Tuesday or so....

Chicken thighs were on sale last week so I socked up and bought a tray of 9 boneless/skinless thighs for $3! Score! 

I also am using leftover Pork shoulder that I made last week. The pork was one sale for $1.49/pound and I bought a 7.7 pounder. I had never cooked a pork shoulder before and was a little nervous. But it turned out great! I cooked it "low and slow" for 7 hours at 275: 6 hours covered with foil and 1 hour without foil at the end. Delicious! We have already eaten it for dinner twice on buns with BBQ sauce. We still have a ton left so...tacos it is!

Finally, I have to give a shout-out to Thursday's meal: The Sausage, Kale and Pasta in lemon cream sauce. I made this a few weeks ago and it was SO. GOOD. I put it on my imaginary if-I-one-day-run-a-restaurant menu. Yum.